HALLOWEEN: A NIGHT FOR GHOULS, GHOSTS & HALITOSIS GUY

I love Halloween. It has now passed Presidents’ Day on my list of favorite holidays and is fast approaching the number one position occupied by Christmas. Call it a close second.

Of course, the rise in my Halloween enthusiasm seems to coincide -- not surprisingly -- with the increase in Halloween paraphernalia available to shoppers. Ever the consumer, I have noticed that many local stores now offer aisle upon aisle of Halloween lights, decorations, party supplies and costumes. The last few years, I have also seen temporary Halloween “superstores” pop up in local strip malls like warts on a witch’s nose. Gosh, I love those places!

This year the homes on my street are awash in orange lights, blazing pumpkins and glowing skulls. Ghosts and witches dangle from tree limbs, leaves have been stuffed into plastic Jack-O-Lantern bags and scary figures adorn many a porch and yard (and I'm not just talking about some of my neighbors).

I anxiously await our first trick-or-treaters, as well as the opportunity to ride with the candy posse (aka my two sons) on their adrenalin-charged journey into the Halloween night. My trusty plastic fangs will be inserted and my old rubber hand deployed to scare a few of the grown-ups as we embark on our door-to-door quest.

Yes, I am looking forward to Halloween -- especially, the costumes. I marvel at the creativity displayed by trick-or-treaters and, even more so, by grown-ups attending Halloween parties.

In fact, if you have plans to attend a Halloween party but are stuck for an original costume idea, I can help. The following are six of my best, most unique, costume ideas. What’s more, they all require very little expense or preparation.

The Road Rager - A tribute to all of the jerks out there who drive as if they own the road. Requires you to purchase a fog horn or similar noise maker. Simply walk around the party blowing the horn and giving everyone the finger.

The Impatient Gal - This is the person who always jumps in front of you in lines, or races you to a parking spot you saw first. At the party, continuously cut in front of people at the punch bowl or snack table, and always take more than your share.

The Telemarketer - To carry this off at the party, stand in a corner with your cell phone and continuously dial everyone else’s cell phones. When they answer, try to sell them something they don’t need.

Halitosis Guy - For this costume, please follow these simple steps: First, do not brush your teeth on the day of the party. Second, eat a meal of sardines on garlic bread, chased with a large cup of black coffee, right before the party. Third, when speaking to other partygoers, stand as close to their faces as possible. Also, when offered, refuse all breath mints and Listerine strips.

Cell Phone Sally - Born with a cell phone attached to her ear. Takes calls at times and in places that can only be described as inappropriate. Self-esteem rises along with her voice as she engages in her important conversations. For this costume, locate The Telemarketer at the party and have him or her call you on your cell phone as often as possible. When you answer, pretend it’s someone from work and use words like “merger,” “profit margin” and “hostile takeover.” It doesn’t matter if you actually mow lawns for a living.

Foreign People Who Fail to Realize They are in America - This is a two-person costume idea. To achieve the proper effect, both people must stand in the center of the party and talk to one-another in any language but English. For the best result, make up a language -- the more bizarre sounding, the better.

I hope these ideas help make your Halloween a truly festive one.

(c) Marc L. Prey 2002
All rights reserved.